I don’t understand fucking anything that happens in my life. I want to feel as if my life has a direction, a forward motion moving toward something, but I really don’t. In fact, I feel so fucking lost its ludicrous. I want to get out of here so bad, leave everything behind, everyone, but I can’t. I’d miss the people who matter the most too much. At the same time, I feel like I’m just wasting my days away.
On another note, I miss you. I miss having someone. I miss having that one person you always talk to til who the hell knows when til in the morning. Someone I can fall back on. I need that. As much as I say I don’t want it, don’t need it, I feel like I do. Maybe it’s just I’m in “that stage”. I don’t know. All I know is I miss you and the feelings that came along with it. I am actually doing a lot better, but I do still think about you. I do still care. I hope the feelings mutual. I just don’t want to become strangers, another person you pass on the street.
On another note though, I’m not sure what to think about tonight. For some unknown reason I felt angry & depressed tonight. Maybe I’m just tired, I don’t know. I say I don’t know a lot, I’m realizing this. I should maybe start trying to become more sure of myself and the things I have to say and do. I just haven’t been this sad in a while and at least 75% of the reason I can’t put a finger on it. Fuck it. Fuck this. Just fuck it all.